How to make more space for your suffering

Dear Friends,

I hope that you are managing to live with some ease.

I wanted to share about a practice - using the word AND to include all aspects of a situation - that has come up for me in a few places lately.

At a recent retreat at Blue Cliff Monastery, a Buddhist monastic shared her practice of AND as a pathway to generating happiness, AND as a way to let go of polarizing concepts, such as right and wrong. 

In my training with Inner Relationship Focusing, we also practice using the word AND in order to welcome all the different parts of ourselves. We may say, “Something in me is angry AND something in me doesn’t like my anger.” 

I really like practicing AND as a way to accept difficult circumstances in my own life without getting overwhelmed. For example, rather than saying only, “I have a chronic disease,” I can say, “I have a chronic disease AND right now the medicine for it is working.”

When someone says something that is true for them, but maybe not true for me, rather than debating with them, I can use AND. “You think we should send an email AND I think we should wait.” Thich Nhat Hanh’s true love mantra, “You are partly right” is another way to express this non-duality.

The four Brahma Viharas include the practice of upekkha, which is usually translated into English as equanimity. Thich Nhat Hanh has translated upekkha as inclusiveness. His interpretation suggests that, in addition to loving-kindness, joy, and compassion, making space for everyone and everything is a noble and heart opening practice and lifestyle. 

I’ve been thinking about how my grandma Lucile had love and space for all 18 of her grandchildren. The practice of AND feels like a grandmother’s lap or heart which always has room for one more beloved grandchild.

If you want to hear more, take a look at the dharma talk by Sister True Vow and consider how you might practice with the word AND in order to expand your heart and mind wide enough to include the whole cosmos.

And if you’re in DC please join me for a conversation on this topic at our Monday evening meditation group. All are welcome. 

With love AND gratitude,

annie.