Finding limitless energy for loving
Dear Friends,
Sometimes I want to show up in a loving way, but I just don’t feel I have the energy for loving anyone or anything. I might want to extend myself and really reflect the love I have in my heart, but instead I collapse or show up cranky.
Someone in our mindfulness group shared something about this recently that I have been reflecting on.
We were talking about Boundless Love – the kind of love that we can feel when we are still and quiet. When we touch the insight of interbeing, recognizing that each and every part of the cosmos belongs here. It’s the love that can fill us up and then overflow to others.
In the sutra on metta, or loving-kindness, the Buddha says:
Just as a mother loves and protects her only child at the risk of her own life, cultivate boundless love to offer to all living beings in the entire cosmos. Let our boundless love pervade the whole universe, above, below, and across. Our love will know no obstacles. Our heart will be absolutely free from hatred and enmity.Whether standing or walking, sitting or lying, as long as we are awake, we should maintain this mindfulness of love in our own heart. This is the noblest way of living.
Into this conversation, our sangha friend said: “Yes, love is boundless, but energy is limited.”
Hmmmm.
Upon reflection, I think this is only partly true. Yes, we are human and our bodily energy is limited by our cells, our age, our intake, etc. And so we have to give ourselves a break when we aren’t as energetic or as loving as we may want to be. This is all true.
And, it’s also true that there is a source of more limitless energy that we can tap into using our spiritual practice.
Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay) told the story of trying to do walking meditation in a very crowded street in Hanoi in 2005 when he was blocked in every direction. He thought, “I won’t be able to move anywhere.” He felt completely stuck.
And instead of resisting or forcing, he let go. And he said to himself, “Let the Buddha walk for me. I don’t need to walk.” And step by step, space opened up for him to walk. He stayed on the razor's edge of the present moment, letting the energy of the cosmos/Buddha/God take the next step for him.
When I was hit with a very painful and debilitating family estrangement in the fall of 2022, at first I did not believe I had the energy to deal with this situation in a loving way. I did not feel any boundless love.
At that time, if I thought about the past, the time when my children were small and we were all unashamedly attached to each other, I felt unbearable grief. If I projected into the future, my world was missing someone I dearly loved.
So I let go of trying to solve it and rested into the present moment. As I had learned from Thay, I let the Buddha breathe for me. And, one breath at a time I moved through it, maintaining awareness of the boundless love surrounding me even when I couldn’t exactly feel it.
I’ve heard my friend, dharma teacher Kaira Jewel Lingo, tell her story of finding more energy in the midst of feeling stuck and overwhelmed. She writes in her book We Were Made for These Times about a time when she was an overworked Buddhist nun and she told Thich Nhat Hanh that she wasn’t able to stay in the monastery for the upcoming retreats because she simply did not have enough spaciousness inside. He reminded her that being overwhelmed was the exact right time to take refuge in the most basic practices of being aware of each step and each breath.
She writes, “We can shift our experience of overwhelm by this basic practice of being with what is here and now. So much of the overwhelm and the stress comes from all that we are afraid might happen in the future. But in this moment, right here, there is the ability to recognize fear, to be with fear, and to not be swallowed by it.”
So maybe the practice of being completely in the present moment is what allows us to tap into the Boundless Love of the cosmos, which is what then gives us the energy for loving others and continuing our practice. Each step supports the next.
What has your experience been with finding energy for love when you feel overwhelmed?
With love,
Annie.