Adding hugging meditation to our holidays

Dear ones,

During the holidays and as we return from our COVID separation, we may want to also return to the practice of hugging our loved ones. 

Below is an excerpt from my book, Things I did When I Was Hangry: Navigating a Peaceful Relationship with Food, about one of my favorite Plum Village practices – Hugging Meditation. 

I also have a 1-minute video demonstrating this practice. 

​​Hugging Meditation

You likely already know how to give and receive a hug. Sometimes hugs, like food, are over before we even know what happened. Hugging meditation is extended hugging, so we have time to take in the hug and the person we are hugging. It’s nice to practice this with our family and close friends, to really savor our relationship and to remember these sweet but impermanent moments. It’s really simple.

1. Have direct eye contact with the person you are about to hug. Both of you are committed to making this mindful hug happen.

2. Step in toward each other and embrace gently but firmly. Think Grandma hug. Don’t compress their diaphragm, but don’t treat them as though they have a brittle bone disease (unless they do!). Think about the Middle Way when choosing your squeeze depth.

3. Now that you’re in there, breathe. Nice and slowly. If possible, sync your breathing up with the other person’s, but don’t struggle too hard to make it happen. This is a relaxing practice. During your first in-breath and out-breath, sense your own body. Feel your feet on the ground and your body touching theirs, and just notice how great it is to be alive and in relationship.

4. On your second breath, notice the other person. Feel them in your arms, notice how they smell, and bring to mind all the nice things about this person.

5. On your third breath, become aware of how lucky you are to have this particular person in your life. It’s a rare pleasure to engage with someone who loves us enough to want to be this close to us for three luxurious breaths. Consider how your lives have been interwoven over the past years or even just days. Celebrate your relationship. If you have time left over, consider what this relationship will be in two hundred years—it’s a good reminder of the impermanence of everything.

6. After about the third breath it’s time to let go. We can’t hold on forever. Sometimes a little extra squeeze before letting go is nice. Like you’re saying, “This is just good-bye for now.”

Important note: Please don’t surprise anyone with hugging meditation. My husband tells the story about the time (before he knew about hugging meditation) when he was greeting someone from our mindfulness community, and they held on to him there for three breaths while he was thinking, “What the hell is going on?!”

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!